Love Heals All

Its amazing how much can happen in just two weeks. Its even more amazing when you don't even have to move a single mile for your heart to have a 180 degree change.
These past two weeks have made me a brand new person. The people I have been with in this time have contributed to my emotional growth a lot.
I don't really know how to explain my internal growth. I don't have the words to tell you how I have changed exactly.
Maybe I could put it simply by saying that I am more 'me' now, than I have been in a long time.
I feel less insecure. I feel comfortable in my own skin. I suppose I feel this way because the fore mentioned people made me feel confident in myself. They made me feel like the real me is appreciated, you know?
I felt like I had no reason to hold back my feelings. I felt like there was no reason to restrain from doing what I want to do because I'm not doing anything wrong.
Being with them made me feel Loved. As they say, Love is the greatest healer. and That is what has happened. My heart has been healed by Love, affection.
I owe it All to Allah. He brought me loving people right when I needed them the most.
Now, these people have a Permanent place in my heart. They will Always mean the world to me. & I just think its so funny how we were practically strangers before they came to visit. Yet in this brief period of time, they have become family. More than family, they feel like an extension of myself. I say this because, I connect with them so well its like our souls are one.
Seriously, I'm not even kidding. You know sometimes you meet people who you feel like you've known your entire life? That's what I feel when I'm with them. They're the kind of people I don't have to be self-conscious around. I don't have to rehearse lines in my head to say to them. I don't have to carefully plan out a certain 'behavior' to adopt in front of them. & not even for a single second do I have to worry about offending them in any way. I can Literally Breathe with ease when I'm with them. My mind is so relaxed and carefree when I'm with them.
It is INSANELY Amazing to have known them intimately like I've been blessed to do.
Allah Taa'la, You can expect a gazillion words of Gratitude to You for blessing me with a companionship with the Saeed's. I will be FOREVER GRATEFUL TO YOU.
and even if you strip me of EVERYTHING I have right now, I will STILL be grateful to You for bringing the Saeeds into my life. Because I have learned over the course of my short life, that a Loving family is really all one needs.
THANKYOU ALLAH TAA'LA.

You Live and you learn to Love

Its been a long time since I've felt like I'm part of a family.
I have honestly felt really lonely in the past. My siblings, my parents, everyone a complete mystery to me. Everyone like a puzzle I just couldn't seem to figure out. I can't remember the last time I have felt 'emotionally-safe-and-sound' at home-if that makes any sense. But now, just recently, things have been so different.
My heart feels alive. The walls seem to be getting shorter, as I timidly remove brick by brick, making way for love to come in.
Though, I feel like, even though I'm opening up now, there's still that risk of getting hurt at the same time.
Reminds me of a saying on a pin up button I have : 'Love and pain are friends forever' :)
That is much too true.
I just don't know when to stop, when to start, how much to love, how much to hold back; things always seem out of balance when I open my heart.

Maybe there's a problem in the reasons I open my heart and what I expect to get back.
I want to be able to BE unconditional Love itself, so I never have to worry about give and take.
I want to Live to Love so every breath feels natural.
I NEED to BE Love, I don't want to Want Love.
I want to Give Love

something like that I guess, but I sure as heaven don't have a clue how to accomplish that.

Well, I'm in no hurry. I'm fine getting a hang of this one step at a time. Cause thats what life is all about-you live and you learn.
You Live and you learn to Love. :)

Always in Need of You

BISMILLAHIRRAHMAANIRRAHEEM

YA ASSALAMO
YA HAYYU YA QAYYUM
YA MALIK UL QUDDUS
YA RAHMAAN, YA RAHEEM
YA WALIO YA NASEER
AL MUQEETU!
AL MOIZZO!

YA ALLAH YA ALLAH !!

THANKYOUUU!!!
SHUKAR ALHAMDULILLAH!

Allah Taa'la, You make me so confident
You give me so much strength, courage, self-esteem...

You are the Provider of EVERYTHING!
ThankYou soooo much for the camping trip today!

I am sorry for skipping Zuhr prayer
Please forgive me Allah Taa'la pleaaase

Allah Taa'laaaaaaa

I am scared I might forget You :(
I am scared I'll disobey You
I am scared I am disappointing you right now
I am scared of Your displeasure :(

Allah Taa'la
I want to Be good, I want to DO good
I don't want darkness in me
I want LIGHT, NUR, ENLIGHTENMENT, PIETY, GOODNESS, LOVE, FAITH, TRUST IN YOU,
Not only do I Want these things, but I infact NEED these things too!!
I need them all, desperately!

I NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AT ALL TIMES
FROM THIS VERY SECOND, UP UNTIL THE DAY I DIE

No More

I feel like I can't be myself around my dad

Why do I feel like I need to wear a mask around my dad?

Take this mask off
Remove this veil
its hiding my true colors
its making me disappear

I feel traumatized when he's around
I feel..like I need to act a certain way
But I don't want to pretend
I don't want to play games

I'm tired of doing that day in and day out
If he can't love me for who I am..then he will never love the masks I wear either

No more fear
no more
no more
no more

no more anger
no more
no more
no more

no more pride
no more
no more
no more

Writing Vs. Prayer

BISMILLAHIRRAHMAANIRRAHEEM !

Ya Salamo!
Ya Malik ul Quddus!
Ya Wali o Ya Naseer!
Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum!

:) :) :)

Today is the very first day of my summer vacations! Alhamdulillah!
However, I feel like I'm not off to a very good start because I skipped all my prayers today :S
I'm sorry Allah Taa'la :(

Its just...You know, I feel so much closer to You when I write
and as ironic as it sounds, I actually feel more distracted when I pray!

I don't know why I don't feel like I can express myself to You properly when I pray to you verbally...
I forget what I want to say
then when I doo say something, its so hard to find the words to say it right
and I can never keep track of the things I have said so ..I always find myself wondering if I left anything out .. haha! :) :P

Seriously, I just feel so much more comfortable writing to You
Infact, the more I write, the better I get at talking !!!

I think its cause, since I am more of a Visual Learner, its more easy for me to say words that I have SEEN with my eyes
so, when I'm talking, I can actually visualize each word in my head before I say it !
:D
yeah!
Its literally like having a strip of words flowing in my head
and I'm a news reporter reading off the script hahahaha :D

Allah Taa'laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You understand naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
but then again, I know that prayer is obligatory...and I am not exempt from it
I know that prayer is extremely beneficial for me
I know that prayer is strengthening and relaxing.
and I know that I have no valid excuse not to pray

still, I Pray to You to forgive me if I can't keep up with the five prayers
i ask You to still help me be among the women of paradise..
Please Ya Allah

I mean...I just want to be a better person
loving, merciful, humble, good-mannered, soft-hearted, well-spoken, helpful....
I want to walk in the footsteps of the Beloved Prophet Muhammad SalalahuAlayhaywasalam, I REALLY DO!!!!!!

Help me naaaa !
I want prayer to assist me in becoming a person with all these qualities.
I don't want it to be the other way around...

So help me Ya Allah,
Help me, please!
Ya Walio Ya Naseer!
:) ThankYou
and Help me, Please!
:):):)

Let Go

BISMILLAHIRRAHMAANIRRAHEEM
YA HAYYU YA QAYYUM!

:)

ALHAMDULILLAH for the skype session with my siblings and my mommy today! :)
It felt really good to talk to zarwah and sadan about mama and babajan
It felt so good to just laugh with them
Its so magical and miraculous how something as simple as Laughing with family can be so therapeutic !

Love is such a beautiful thing
sharing laughter and joy is THEE ultimate food for the soul
and it is the greatest beauty in life

Ya Allah
I was talking to You earlier about my behavior with Babajan
I definitely believe it can be improved
I pray to You to help me be the best I possibly can with my parents
Ya Assalamo
Ya Ghafoorur Raheem !
I need to forgive him
There's so much venom in my heart for him
I want that venom to change into ...at least something non-deadly haha water would be good :P

I need to let go of the past
I need to let go of the feelings of hurt and anger, disappointment...all that...
These feelings really need to go
I NEED THEM TO BE OUT OF MY SYSTEM
I have carried them on my shoulders long enough

I need to feel like a feather
I need to let go

So I pray to You to help me
Let Go.

I am getting distracted, Allah Taa'la :[ extremely...distracted. i guess theres no one to blame but me i am responsible for allowing myself to be distracted and giving in to the distractions. i am the only one to be held accountable for being weak and listening to the whispers and obeying the whispers i am the only one who will be questioned for my thoughts, words, deeds... and I am the only one who will answer You ..... Allah Taa'la I fear that day of questioning and complete accountability. maybe thats why im studying accounting? haha to get better at ...holding myself accountable for my deeds. *siigh* Bus please madad kar dain meri Ya Allah! Ya Rahman! Ya Raheem Ya Naseer ThankYou Allah Taa'la, for Love, Light and Hope Allah Taaa'laaaaaaaaaaaaa :):):):) wooooh naaaaaaaaaa THANKYOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Love love Loveliness

I love being here
Love studying here
Love attending classes here
Love getting good grades here
Love performing well here
Love the atmosphere
Love the teachers
Love the buildings
Love the people I've met !
Such wonderful friends Alhamdulillah!

I Love the weather today
I Love the chota sa course for the final exam
I Love how I'm not freaking out
I Love Love Love You for blessing me with all of this
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah


ThankYou for such Beautiful reminders Ya Allah Subhana u Taa'la
ThankYou
You are always saving my soul when I don't know any better but to destroy myself.

Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum
Ya ALLAH
I don't know why I always find myself trying to fill the void inside me with the empty goods of this world
It frightens me now to be so addicted to turning to these worldly attractions over and over and over again
It boggles my mind to to see myself unable to detach, break free from these useless attractions
How come I am so ...like tuned to these things?
I need to break these habits
need to break free from the spell of worldly goods
fame...feeling pride because of worldly success...looking down on others
being overly judgmental about others
somehow..always finding my way back to worldly music
committing the fraud of the eyes...stealing glances..that I know very well Allah is Perfectly Knowledgeable of!
Allahu Akbar! When will I learn!
When will I grow up, think long term..plan ahead...plan for the

:) Chit chat with the Creator

BismillahiRrahmaanIRraheeemm
Ya Assalamo
Ya Rahmaan
Ya Raheem
Ya Malikul Quddus!
Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum!
Ya Wali o Ya Naseer!
SHUKARALHAMDULILLAH for enabling me to see all the different places here today
ThankYou for this gentle breeze
ThankYou for this shade !
ThankYou for enabling me to perform well on the exam!
I'm sorry I tried to cheat :[
I'm sorry about that
I can't believe I did that
It was so wrong

ThankYou for helping me to talk to people with so much more ease !
Ya Rahmaaan Ya RAHEEEEEM
It was so amazing to see the Art Gallery at the Haas Center today
I loved the Artists comments.
I really liked how deep the philosophy behind their artwork was.
The Auditorium was magnificent to say the least.
It's so grand and elegant!
Yup, I enjoyed exploring the Haas Center the most! :)
ThankYou Allah Subhanau Taa'la :) for a wonderful semester!!!!!
Ya Allah, I really wish to be very active in the summer on campus.
Please make this wish come truuuue hehe :) :)
I wish to be very involved in Islamic Activism with Sameera and my other fellow muslims here in bloomU!! InshAllah!! :):)

My Dearest Allah Subhanau Taa'la!
It was really funny how you placed us together today
It was funny how we passed by each other before the test started
It was funny how we approached the entrance of sutliff hall at the same time that day
Its just FUNNY thats the only word I have for it
The situation which I am describing as funny is basically a situation where I am trying to avoid something, but that object continues to pop up in my life. It's like, the more I try to avoid it, the more it comes up/the more I have to face it/and the closer it gets to me.
FUNNY FUNNY FUNNAAYYY
Ya Allah! Ya Assalamo!
You know what I think?
I think that you create these Funny situations so that I can learn to grow as a person.
Because You have a great sense of Humor, also I think You know that Humor is the best way to teach us Humans hehe
So, I feel like you create these Funny situations, so we can learn hard things in an easy way !
I have a feeling, and it is only my opinion, that You create these 'funny' situations so we can learn how to step out of our comfort zone. So its like, You help us to Comfortably step outside of our comfort zone .

That's what I love about You so much
You are so Gentle with us
Even in apparent 'mishaps' , You are actually helping us to step out of our comfort zones in the most comfortable, pain-free way!
You are never harsh with us . NEVER
You are so patient with us Forgiving and...
I feel like, even though most of us would confess to 'not having enough time for You in our day '
You, on the other hand, have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD for us!!! SUBHANALLAH!
You're never 'too busy to talk to '
You are ALWAYS READY to Listen to us!!!!! and Respond to us!!!!!!!! and Love us! SUBHANALLAH SUBHANALLAH SUBHANALLAH! :):):)
I just feel like all I have left to say is THANKYOU
Nothing else comes to mind Just Gratitude, SHUKAR,

Allah Taa'la...waisay, I still tried to follow him today.
I was still looking at him, deliberately.
I ain't gona lie.
I am going to be TRUE TO THE CORE, TO EVERY SINGLE TINY PACHINY DETAIL!!
I am not going to be in denial of the loserness inside of me
I am not going to deny the whispers I hear
i am not going to sit here and deny the faults in me

Instead I am going to ask for Your forgiveness and
I pray that You save me from repeating the same sins!

Oh ya Allaaahhhhhhhh :D THANKYOUUUU once again! for lovely lovely human interaction :"D :D :D eheeeheeeheeeeeeeee
Soooo nice of her to come up to me and talk!
I wish I could be more like that Just be easy going and friendly and talk to peoples
I dont like how Im so like to my self....self absorbed...Matlab...I dont want to engage in vain talk or anything...but You know just make casual talk..small talk..enquire about peepulz health shealth ask them if they are facing any prablemo
ask them if I could be of assistance to them yeah, small talk like that!
I don't want to communicate with people for selfish reasons
I wants to commooneecate with people for SELFLESS REASONS! :D:D:D jez jez jez jez! :D

I am ashamed I don't even remember the name of the girl from my accounting class who came to talk to me! I thinkkk it was Jessica! :O Ya ALLAH! Please help me to keep track of the names of people I feel so bad when I can't remember their name. I think its rude not to remember peepulz names...its a sign of self absorption :/!!!

Ya Rahmaan Ya Raheeem!!!!!!
Yaaa Ghafooor ur Raheeeem
Ya Assalamo
Ya Malikul Quddus!
THANKYOUUUUUUU FOR THE PYARA PYARA MAUSAM!!!!! :):):):):):):)

THANKYOU FOR MAKING THE FINALS EASY FOR ME!!
YA ALLAH!
It was so sweet how jessica gave me a pencil to use in my accounting tests twice!
and it was so sweet how she told me that she felt concerned when she didn't see me present at the exam room! :)
annnnnd Im just really happy she talked to me :)
Was a really nice gesture from her :)
Bless her Ya ALLAAAAAH! :D Bless everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
Ya Allah...I like how clean people smell around here hehehhe hahaahahahahaahha :D
ThankYou for that too :D
I think I have almost nevaar come across an American who stinks hehehe :D

I'm still searching for fame
hunting it down like its a game
Why dont I understand
theres nothing in a name!
Why dont I understand
all that matters is Remembering the Name
Remembering it again and again
Remembering the Name of Allah!

Coolness of the Eyes

I have a problem. I think I should call it the 'excessive-love-for-men' syndrome. That is, excessive love for Good men, to be exact. Yes, I am suffering from a very severe form of this condition. Such that, all it takes for me to start taking an interest in a man is for him to be polite to me. & thats it, he immediately has a place in my heart. Something as simple as a man greeting me kindly, or helping me pick up something I dropped or even just holding a door for me-these simple things are what are EXTREMELY attractive to me. Its like, the second any man does even the tiniest act of kindness towards me, I start Like-liking him. This is a problem because, its like Im constantly falling in love :S Yet I thought love was all about finding only ONE person and spending the rest of one's life with only him. So how come I can't seem to stop feeling attracted to every nice guy that crosses my path? I actually think its kind of perverted in a way for me to feel like this. I feel disloyal and unfaithful already. I feel like I don't have a solid standard or criteria for what my heart should love. I feel like I'm not giving my heart what it really deserves and I'm constantly trying to satisfy it with inadequate substitutes. So, Allah Taa'la...What I want to say is that I think males are beautiful creatures. I appreciate them, I appreciate the fact that you created them. I am grateful that you created them. I am grateful that you made them to be protectors of the believing woman. I pray for all of my dear muslim brothers too. I pray I do not violate the rights of men. I pray I am always respectful to men, in thoughts, words and actions. and I pray to you with all my heart, to make me a wife who is the coolness of the eyes for her husband! :) ThankYou Alla Taa'la!

Please

BISMILLAHIRAHMAANIRAHEEM YA ASSALAMO
I'm feeling down
I don't want to I don't want to feel this way because
I don't want to be ungrateful

Allah Taa'la whatever he said just felt really bad
I LOVE the MSA
its like my lifeline at BU
its the reason theres so much more life in me
and he criticized the MSA, said that I shouldn't be a part of it
said that they are losers arranging a fund raiser at this time

I just can't take it
I can't digest all of that when it comes to the MSA and
I cannot bear it when he discourages me to be a part of these organizations these faith-related organizations

then again, maybe the truth is that ..I CAN bear it
You sent this my way because you know that I CAN bear it
Al Muqeetu Al Muqeetu !
I beg You for strength, perseverance, determination, contentment,
I plead to You to grant me Strength of the heart I need You

Allah Taa'la...I feel bad now...I feel like I'm one of those people who don't turn to You when they are happy
and just come running to You whenever they face a problem
Like yesterday, all I did (at least most of the time) was stare at my 'likes' ..especially the one from T and his comment and its just I'm so disappointed with myself and I still looked at purple in class its like Im still doing all the stupid things that I used to do like Im refusing to change and its so sickening to see myself this way a prisoner to my whims, desires, I can't believe that I'm still hooked I can't believe that Shaitaan still has such a grip on me well...I guess I shouldn't be surprised. My faith isn't very strong as it is...and Shaitaan stops at NOTHING to break my fragile faith

Allah Taa'la
Aaoozoo Billaa Heemeenashaitaanirajeem BISMILLAHIRAHMAANIRAHEEM!

Please Allah Taa'la PLEASE Don't let him come in between the MSA and me.
meaning. Don't let him come in between You and me. Please

BISMILLAHIRRAHMAANIRAHEEM
Ya Rahmaan Ya Raheem
My Dearest ALLAH TAA'LA
I feel like the self obsession is creeping back in
that negative emotion is close by
I can sense it at this moment
I sense it in the way it pleases me to see the number of likes increasing on a photo I uploaded on facebook
I feel it in the way I take pictures of myself and admire the result afterwards
I can sense it in the way I obsess over what clothes I should wear the next day
I can feel the self obsession in the way
I feel over confident all of a sudden
I don't want this pride
I don't want this arrogance
because there is nothing about me that I should proud of
and I am not better than anyone else to feel arrogant.
I ....really have no right
I have nothing
I am nothing
I want to feel like I am nothing at all times
Help me to be humble, Ya Assalamo! Ya Mutakabiro!
I have wasted too much of my life glorifying my Nafs
This monster of a Nafs needs to be shattered into a million pieces and blown away with the wind.....!!!

My Respite

I was so scared Allah Taa'la
I still am
I was shaking
trembling

I felt powerless
weak
fragile
unprotected
vulnerable

My heart threatened to
shut down any second

My desires threatened to
consume me any moment

I was so scared Allah Taa'la
and I still am ...

The ground threatened to swallow me whole
Those eyes threatened to burn me alive
My own skin, my own flesh and blood
threatened to turn against me

but You saved me
You saved me

saved me from self ruin
saved me from others who wished for my ruin
saved me from everything that waged war against me

You saved me
You saved me

Even now,
when the moment of heightened fear has surpassed
I think back
remember the difficulty at hand
and feel grateful to You for having my back

But the battle lingers on
with no end in sight
With only You by my side
Do I have hope of respite

With You I am certain
no matter what lies ahead
you will ease the hurt and
free me of dread


Verily, with hardship, there is Relief. (Quran 94:6)
"Verily! Only in the Zikr of Allah will your heart find peace." (Quran 13:29)

:")

Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum
Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum

I Apologize yet again hoping You'll forgive me once again

BISMILLAHIRAHMAANIRAHEEM

YA MALIK UL QUDOOS USSALAAM
YA RAHMAAN YA RAHEEM YA ARHAMARRAAHIMEEN
YA ALLAH
YA HAYYU YA QAYYUM

:)

YOU ARE MY CONSTANT COMPANION
YOU ARE LOVE
HENCE LOVE IS MY CONSTANT COMPANION !!!
ALHAMDULILLAH
ALLAH TAA'LA...
I'M SORRY
ABOUT TODAY
THE STARING
AGAIN
IM JUST SORRY :(
FORGIVE ME FOR STARING SHAMELESSLY
FORGIVE ME FOR BEING IGNORANT OF YOU FOR THOSE 5 SECONDS
FORGIVE ME FOR ACTUALLY ENJOYING INDULGING IN DISOBEDIENCE AGAINST YOU!!!! :(:(:(:(
IM REALLY SORRY
I...IT WAS REALLY HARD TO SPEND ALL THAT TIME IN THAT CLASS...BUT ALLAH TAA'LA YOU HELPED ME OUT IMMENSELY ALHAMDULILLAH !!!!
IT WAS JUST THOSE LAST FEW SECONDS THAT I MESSED UP
I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE WHAT WOULD'VE HAPPENED HAD I DIED THAT EXACT SECOND
HAD my soul been taken away in that moment of disobedience to You ASTAGHFIRULLAH :(
oh dear, save me ALLAH TAA'LA!
FORGIVE ME !!!!!!!
I must have disobeyed you countless times already in this short little lifetime of mine,
despite all the blessings you are constantly bestowing upon me !!!!
how ungrateful and how unbelievably stoopeed i am :(
oh Allah please plase please help me not to repeat this sins!
please help me to more Obedient to YOU!

Ya Rahmaaaan Ya Raheeeeeemmmmm
I need Your Forgivenessssss!!!

I want to ThankYou as well
for this second
this moment
I want to thankYou for making things easy to understand in school today
want to express my gratitude to You for calming me
for building my self esteem
wow
SUBHANALLAH I am amazed at where I am and who I am today because of Your support and Your Love.
ThankYou
a gazillion times over
ThankYou
ThankYou
ThankYou

BISMILLAHIRRAHMAANIRAHEEM
ALHAMDULILLAHI RABBIL AALAMEEN
ARRAHMAANIRAHEEM
MAALIKI YAUMIDDIN
IYYAKA NA'BUDU
WA IYYA KA NASTA'EEN
IHDINASSIRATALMUSTAQEEM
SIRATALLAZEENA
ANAMTA ALAYHIM
GHAIRIL MAGHDOOBI ALAYHIM
WALADDAAALEEEEENNN
AMEEEEENNNN

I Miss You

BISMILLAHIRAHMAANIRAHEEM

YA MALIK UL QUDOOS USSALAAM !!

YA RAHMAAN YA RAHEEM!!
YA ARHAMARRAHIMEEN!!!

MERAY PYARAY ALLAH TAA'LA !!!

THANKYOU
THANKYOU
THANKYOU

It seems like forever since I woke up today
I just wanted to drop by and talk to You :) hehe
Allaaah TAA'LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA :D
I am just so happy I can talk to You whenever I want to !!!!
ALHAMDULILLAH
SUBHANALLAH
YOU ARE SO AMAZING ALLAH TAA'LAAAA
YOU ARE SO AWESOME :D:D:D:D:D

I just miss You so much sometimes and I just want to be closer to You all the time

when I come out here in the world...its like I feel far away from You..Your remembrance
and I don't like that
its like the second You are not in my mind and in my heart, I start to panic
Seriously, I think I might even get cardiac arrest someday if I feel too far away from You over a long period of time

Allah Taa'la...are these white flashes normal ? :S
I am getting slightly frightened ! 0_0

Please Protect me :D
I LOVE YOU

Allah Taa'laaaa
I doooooooooo want to appreciate the awesomeness of the QURAN!!!
I WANT TO APPRECIATE YOUR AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!!
and I want to appreciate the awesomeness of Your creations !!!!!!!!!
and I just want to be on a constant High of Your Remembrance

SubhanAllah
You are so BEAUTIFUL And Bountiful and Lovelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I CANNOT LIVE A SINGLE SECOND WITHOUT YOU

ALLAH TAA'LA I CAN STILL SEE THE FLASHES! :O
are they coming from outside? when a car passes by or something?? :O
OH MY ALLAH THERE IT WAS AGAIN ! :O

Alllaaah Taaa'laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
I really want to fly :D hehe
Flying is sooooo much funnnnnn
I remember flying in my dreams a couple times !
and..since my soul feels like its soaring all the time, I just want my body to soar WITH IT ! :) hehe

Allaaah Taa'laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Please bless my pyaray Nanabu !!!!!!!!!
and please bless my pyari Ammi JAAAAN!!!
and please please please please give them the bestest place in Jannaaaah!!!!!!!!!
:")

Allaaah Taa'laaaaaaaaa
I feel like this worldly work separates me form You
I don't want to feel that way naaa
I want to feel Your nearness all the time!!!!
because Life becomes Beautiful when I have You in my heart

and Allah Taa'la
I really want to study with people too
it gets lonely and distracting when I study alone....
I dunno...what do You say?
Its just so much better to study with People as opposed to being a solo studier... You know...
soooooooooooooooo

I LOVE YOU AND THANKYOU AND IM SORRY FOR BEING DISOBEDIENT AND FORGETFUL AND I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!

YA HAYYU YA QAYYUM
YA HAYYU YA QAYYUM
YA RAHMAAN YA RAHEEM
YA ARHAMARAHIMEEN
YA MALIK UL QUDOOS USSALAAM !!

ALLLAAAAAHHH U AKBAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SUBHANALLAH

SUBHANALLAH

ya hayyu ya qayyum !!!!!!!!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

BISMILLAHIRAHMAANIRAHEEEEEMMMM

YA RAHMAAN
YA RAHEEM
YA ARHAMAR RAHIMEEN

YA MALIK UL QUDOOS USASSALAM!!!

ALHAMDULILLAH! ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH
FOR TODAY
FOR EVERYDAY
FOR HELPING ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER EVERYDAY
FOR IMPROVING ME EVERYDAY
FOR HELPING ME OVERCOME MY IMPERFECTIONS EVERYDAY
THANKYOUUUUU SOOOOOO MUCH THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU

THOUGH I KNOW THAT I STILL...DISOBEYED YOU
I STILL DISOBEYED YOU
OH ALLAH
IM SORRY
IM SORRY
IM SORRY
IM SORRY
IM SORRY

ALLAH TAA'LA PLEASE HELP ME
PLEASE HELP ME I LOVE THESE PEOPLE SO MUCH ALLAH TAA'LA
I LOVE THESE PEOPLE FOR THEIR SWEETNESS
I LOVE THEM FOR THEIR HONESTY
OH ALLAH I PRAY THAT YOU BLESS THEM SO SO MUCH
I PRAY THAT YOU BLESS THESE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WITH THE GIFT OF ISLAM

OH ALLAH TAA'LA
EVERYWHERE I LOOK I SEE JOY, WONDER, HAPPINESS, BEAUTY, LOVE, FAITH TRUST, HOPE POSITIVENESS
SUBHANALLAH!!!!!!!!
IT AMAZES ME TO SEE THESE PEOPLE SOMETIMES
TI AMAZES ME TO SEE THEIR KINDNESS
THEIR MANNERS
THEIR COURTESY
MASHALLAH
MASHALLAH
ALLAH TAA'LA
PLEASE THESE PEOPLE WITH THE GIFT OF ISLAM !
i seriously feel like these people are so worthy of upholding islam. I feel like these people can truly represent Islam
I feel like they will accept Islam wholeheartedly...
Allah Taa'la...for some reason I reallyy TRULY BELIEVE in these people!

Allah Taa'la
THANKYOU FOR EVERYTHING
THANKYOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO SPEND TIME HERE
AMONGST THESE PEOPLE OF SUCH HIGH MORAL CHARACTER
I THANK YOU
AND I APOLOGIZE TO YOU FOR BEING DISOBEDIENT
AND I WANT TO LOVE YOU IN MY HEART, THOUGHTS, WORDS AND ACTIONS.

ALLAH TAA'LA, PLEASE HELP ME TO FULFILL MY WORLDLY OBLIGATIONS.
THANKYOU ALLAH TAA'LA
THANKYOU FOR EVERYTHING

Allah Hu Akbar
ALHAMDULILLAH

I AM SORRY

BISMILLAHIRAHMAANIRAHEEM

YA ASSALAM! :) :)

SHUKAR ALHAMDULILLAH!!!!
THANKYOU TIMES INFINITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:):):):):)

I AM SORRY TIMES INFINITY AS WELL!!!

YA RAHMAAN! YA RAHEEM! YA ARR HA MARAHIMEEN !

:):):):):):)
PLEASE HELP ME TO ALWAYS LOVE
TO ALWAYS BE AWARE OF YOU
TO ALWAYS KNOW THAT I AM ANSWERABLE TO YOU

PLEASE HELP ME TO KEEP YOU IN MY HEART AT ALL TIMES
PLEASE HELP ME TO LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART ALWAYS

PLEASE HELP ME TO LET YOU AND ONLY YOU LIVE IN THE HOME OF MY HEART!!!!!!

OH MY DEAREST ALLAH SUBHANA U TAA'LA!
I JUST WANT TO FALL HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH NONE OTHER THAN YOU!
I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU
I WANT TO SERVE YOU
I WANT TO SEE YOU EVERYWHERE I LOOK
I WANT TO FEEL YOU WHEREEVER I AM
I WANT TO THINK OF YOU, TALK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME !

OH ALLAH
PLEASE
LET ME ALWAYS LOVE YOU
PLEASE
FORGIVE ME
PLEASE ENABLE ME TO BE AMONG THOSE WHOM YOU ARE PLEASED WITH
PLEASE HELP ME TO ALWAYS STRUGGLE IN YOUR PATH.

PLEASE HELP ME
PLEASE HELP ME
PLEASE HELP ME
PLEASE HELP ME
PLEASE HELP ME
PLEASE HELP ME

NOT TO JUDGE ANYONE
NOT TO HAVE ILL FEELINGS TOWARDS ANYONE
NOT TO HAVE PRIDE IN MY HEART
NOT TO LOOK DOWN ON ANYONE
PLEASE HELP ME TO BE HUMBLE
PLEASE HELP ME TO BE A MUSLIMAH WHOM YOU ARE PLEASED WITH
PLEASE HELP ME TO BE AMONG THE WOMEN OF PARADISE

ALLAAAAAHHHHH JEEEEEEE
YA RAHMAAN YA RAHEEEEM
YA ARR HA MARRAHIMEEN

I NEED YOUUU
I NEEED YOUUUUUU
I NEEEEEEEED YOUUUUUUU !!!!!!!!!

PLEASE HELP ME TO LOWER MY GAZE
PLEASE HELP ME TO BEHAVE MYSELF IN ITM TOMORROW
PLEASE HELP ME NOT TO LISTEN TO SHAYTAANS WHISPERS
ALLAAAHHHH
I LOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUU
PLEASE ALWAYS BE WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!

ALLAH TAAA'LAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
:")
PLEASE BLESS MY NANABU AND TRANSFER ALL OF MY NAIKI'S TO HIM!
AND PLEASE KEEP HIM HAPPY! AND PLEASE SEND MY LOVE TO HIM !
AND PLEASE PLEASE GIVE HIM THE BESTEST PLACE IN JANNAH!!!!!

:")

PLEASE PLEASE TEL HIM I LOVE HIM
PLEASE PLEASE TELL HIM I RESPECT HIM WITH ALL MY HEART
PLEASE TELL HIM <3


YA RAHMAAAAANNNNNNNNNN
YA RAHEEEEEMMMMMMMMM

THANKYOUUUU
TIMES INFINITY!!!!!!

FORGIVE ME

YAA HAYYU YA QAYYUM
YAA HAYYU YA QAYYUM

Please.

BISMILLAHIRAHMANIRAHEEM

DEAREST ALLAH AZZA WAJAL

.......
I want him to be among the people of piety
I want him to be among the people of paradise
please please please please please please please please
MAKE HIM NAIK AND INSTILL IN HIM NEVER ENDING LOVE FOR YOU AND THE DEEN AND THE BELOVED PROPHET MUHAMMAD SALALAHUALAYHAYWASALM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ALLAH TAA'LA!!! IM BEGGING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAKE HIM AMONG THE BEST MUSLIMS OF THIS GENERATION!!!
MAKE HIM A RELIGIOUS SUFI, A SCHOLAR OF ISLAM, AND A TRUE MOMIN!!!!
PURIFY HIS HEART ! PURIFY HIS SOUL!!!
HELP HIM YA ALLAH!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel selfish asking you for this
but I just...can't help it.

Bless him!
Bless his family forever!
may they all truly be PAK, PURE ...TAYYAB.

Allah Taa'la.....

please.


ThankYou.


ThankYou for Everything.

You are the only source of PEACE

BISMILLAHIRAHMAANIRAHEEM

DEAREST ALLAH SUBHANAU TAA'LA

YAA HAYYU YA QAYYUM

QUITE TOUGH YESTERDAY HAS BEEN

I DON'T EVEN FEEL GOOD COMPLAINING TO YOU BUT
IT SEEMS YOU'RE THE ONLY I SHOULD COMPLAIN TO

ALLAH SUBHANAU TAA'LA
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BLESS MY NANABU
AND THANKYOU YA RAHMAAN, YA RAHEEM, FOR TAKING him AWAY COMFORTABLY FROM THIS WORLD.

YA ARHAMARAHIMEEN !!!! YA RABBILALAMEEN!!!
Things feel tougher all of a sudden
Studying...maintaining friendships
smiling...
I turn to YOU for strength
for perseverance
for guidance
for Love
for PEACE
FOR REST
FOR HAPPINESS

I TURN TO YOU
I TURN TO YOU
I TURN TO YOU
I TURN TO YOU
I TURN TO YOU
I TURN TO YOU


YA RAHMAAN YA RAHEEM
YA ARHAHAMARRAHIMEEN !!!
I NEED YOU SO SO SO SOOOOO MUCH
PLEASE BABAJAN KO KHIAR KHAIRIYAT SAY POHNCHADAIN
PLEASE MATH KE SAMAJH ATA FARMA DAIN
PLEASE HELP ME TO UTILIZE MY TIME HERE ON THIS EARTH IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY
PLEASE MERAY SAR KE DARD KUM KAR DAIN
PLEASE BLESS MY FAMILY
BLESS ALLOW THEM TO FIND YOU
TO FIND REST IN YOU
TO LOVE YOUM BE OBEDIENT TO YOU

PLEASE HELP EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY TO LIVE LIFE IN THE BEST POSSIBLE MANNER
HELP US ALL TO LEAD LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT US TO LEAD LIFE
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE


WE ALL NEED YOU SO MUCH!
HELP US TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE INESCAPABLE TRUTH OF OUR COMPLETE DEPENDENCE UPON YOU !!!!
HELP US TO TURN TO YOU WHILE WE STILL HAVE TIME BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE !
HELP US TO REALIZE SOONER AND NOT LATER, THAT WE ARE GOING TO RETURN TO YOU
AND WITH THAT REALIZATION, HELP US TO ALSO CHANGE THAT WHICH IS WITHIN OURSELVES
HELP US
HELP US
HELP US
HELP US
HELP US
HELP US

HELP US TO TRUST YOU
HELP US TO LIVE THIS LIFE WITH A BIG SMILE ON OUR FACE
HELP US TO FEEL YOUR LOVE, YOUR MERCY
HELP US TO SEE YOUR PERFECTION EVERYWHERE WE GO

HELP US
HELP US
HELP US
HELP US
HELP US

WE ARE WEAK
WE ARE YOUR SLAVES
WE ARE NOTHING BUT ANTS
EVEN SMALLER THAN THAT
WE ARE NOTHING BUT NOTHING

DEAREST ALLAH SUBHANAU TAA'LA
YA ARHAMARAHIMEEN

AFTER I HEARD THAT NANABU PASSED AWAY,
JUST THE NEWS OF HIS PASSING...IT HAD A GREAT IMPACT ON ME
THE WORLD FEELS DIFFERENT
MY VISION SEEMS DIFFERENT
EVERYTHING HAS STARTED TO SEEM SO TRIVIAL NOW
AND THE ONE THING THAT FEELS LIKE IT MATTERS IS
YOUR REMEMBRANCE

YA RAHMAAN YA RAHEEM
HOW COULD I THANKYOU ENOUGH ?????
HOW????
HOW CAN I THANKYOU IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY ??????????

TELL ME MY ALLAH PLEASE!!!!
I WANT TO THANKYOU!!!!!!!!!!!
THANKYOU
THANKYOU
THANKYOU
THANKYOU

HOW DO I THANK YOU IN MY DEEDS?
HOW DO I CONSTANTLY THANKYOU IN MY HEART?

WHAT FORM OF GRATITUDE DO YOU LOVE THE MOST MY BELOVED ALLAH SUBHANAU TAA'LA??????
PLEASE TELL ME
SO I MAY START BEING GRATEFUL TO YOU IN A WAY WHICH PLEASES YOU MOST !!!!!!!!!!



SAYYIDINA KAREEMUN SALALAHU ALAYHAY WASALAM

:) I Can Never ThankYou ENOUGH!

SHUKARALHAMDULILLAH TIMES INFINITY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANKYOUUUU
THANKYOUUUU
THANKYOUUUU

YA RAHMAAN YA RAHEEM!
YA GHAFOOR UR RAHEEM!

SUBHANALLAH!
SUBHANALLAH!
SUBHANALLAH!

You are NEAR !

BISMILLAHIRAHMANIRRAHEEM

YA RAHMAAN! YA RAHEEM!
AAP KA SHUKAR HAI !
AAP KA SHUKAR HAI !
AAP KA SHUKAR HAI !
AAP KA SHUKAR HAI !

You are Near!
You are Near!
You are Near!
You are Near!

SUBHANALLAH

You are Near!
You are Near!
You are Near!

You are with me WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU!
SUBHANALLAH!

With Your Blessing

Dearest Allah Subhanau Taa'la

:) :D
Well You seeeeeeeeeeeeeee
of course YOU SEE
YOU SEE EVERYTHING :D

ahem
I mean, so, as You can already seee
much much more clearly than meee
I am infact extremely passionate about
writing poetryyyyyyy :D

and and
I want this to beeee
my life's work
and I wish to exclusivelyyyyy
deidicate everyyy single poem
to You!! Allah the AL-MIGHTY!!!!! :D :D :D

Allah Taa'la
I don't want to waste the gift the you Have
so Graciouslyyy
bestowed upon meeeee !!

Hence, as a molecular token of my gratitude to YOU
I wish to utilize this gift of writing poetry
in order to express what I have felt of Your mercy
in hopes of showing people how Loving BEAUTIFUL, KIND AND MERCIFUL YOU ARE IN REALITY

Allah Taa'la
I know I can NEVER EVER EVER EVER ACCOMPLISH ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGG if I am not aided by You!!
So Allah Taa'la,
please please
help me to
1. Always keep my intention pure and sincere to serving YOU
2. ALWAYS KNOW THAT NONE OF THIS IS POSSIBLE WITHOUT YOU. ; I cannot accomplish anything if it is not pre-ordained by You
3. Think, say, and do only That which Pleases YOU! Never ever let me be among the transgressors or the innovators ! ASTAGHFIRULLAH :(

Ya Rahmaan! Ya Raheeem!!!
please bestow Your Rahmat !


Ya Rahmaan! Ya Raheem!
SHUKARALHAMDULILAH
SHUKARALHAMDULILLAH
SHUKARALHAMDULILLAH

ALHAMDULILLAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

YAA HAYYU YAA QAYYUMU BIRAHMATIKA ASTAGHITHU ASLIH LI SHA'NI KULAHU WALA TA KILNI EELAA NAFSI TARFATA'IN

Words of the Wise

The spiritual master Ibn Atallah Al-Iskandari spoke the truth in his
First Aphorism in his Book Of Aphorisms when he said,"

A sign of reliance on your deeds is the lack of hope when you slip into an error."

If we become blinded from Allah and overly reliant on our deeds and willpower alone for success, it leaves for a very painful fall.


Dearest Allah Taa'laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Its funny how I LITERALLY cannot Live WITHOUT writing to YOU!
I feeel so much better once I write to You

Allah Taa'la
I'm sorry I missed maghrib prayer :( so bad I be *sigh*
Allah Taa'la
I am sooooo thankful for the online Zaynab Acad Class!!!! SubhanAllah!!! please please Bless everyone attending the class and the presenter!
I am just humbled about how its like You immediately saw how I wanted to learn more about Your names and wa'laa! BOOM! I got an email about a class on Asma ul Husna! SUBHANALLAH!!! :")
ALHAMDULILLAHI RABBILALAMEEN!

Allah Taa'la . I am also extreeemely grateful for a friend like Sameera!
Alhamdulillah!
and I don't know what babajan's concerns are..well actually I kinda know what they are...but I just think its so lame what he said
is it wrong to say that ?
Allah Taa'la
I personally really want her to live with me but I don't know how to handle this situation properly now.
I feel like I might end up taking things into my own hands again...not keeping babajan fully informed about what I want to do...hence resulting in inevitable misunderstandings 0_0 and maybe even embarrassment

Allah Taa'la...all I know is that I sincerely wanted to HELP sameerah by offering to let her stay at our house with us.
and ...thats all. So Please just do what ever is best .
Please let this happen in the best possible way too. PLEASE

Allah Taa'la
please please bless sameerah and her family ! I pray that we can do sooo much work for you together!! :D inshALLAAAHH!!

Allah Taa'laaaaaaaaaaaaa
Its like, just talking to you five times a day isn't enough for me HEHE :3

You Live and You Learn

......OKAY.
I SHOULD be mature about this
kuch bigra nai hai mera
.....
ohhh deaaaaar
what would I do without the MSA :(
I feel so humiliated

this choora...i fantasize about this choora
and THIS is what i get?

ThankYou
for the humiliation
it taught me a lesson

STAY AWAY FROM CHOORAY GORAS AT ALL COSTS
ESPECIALLY THAT one >_____<
Allah Taa'la....
help naaaaa

Allah Taa'laaaaaaa
I know I shouldn't be a big fat cry baby
my reward lies with You
and EVERYONE is going to be dealt with JUSTLY on the day of DELIVERANCE

SOOO
if anyone says something bad about me
if anyone insults me
is rude to me
orrrr
even, lets say shoots me in the head unjustly
i don't have to worry about getting revenge
i don't HAVE to do anything!
BECAUSE !
i leave me affairs to YOU ALLAH TAA'LA

The Blessed Prophet Muhammad Salalahu AlayhayWasalam went through SO MANY HARDSHIPS FOR THE MUSLIM UMMAH !!
and yet NOTHING demoralized him!
NOTHING could stand in between him and his mission to Spread Islam!!!!!!!!
because, he KNEW ! that ALLAH TAA'LA IS ALWAYS WITH HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUBHANALLAH SUBHANALLAH SUBHANALLAH

ALLAH Taa'laaaa
I need an imaan booster
I NEEEEEEEEEEED TO BE STRONG
I NEEEEEEEEED STRENGTH FROM YOU

I feel so sad all of a sudden
but I don't want to
why am I feeling sad ?
cause non believer mocked me ?

seriously Aroob...you need to do better than that

ohhh Dear
achi baat hai tumhara stupid sa khawab toota hai
BUT don't fill yourself with resentment
NEVER DO THAT !
ANGER IS VENEMOUS, HARAM!
ab bus losers ke tarhaan angry ya sad honay ke koi zaroorat nai hai is stupid see baat par
just the fact that this is actually affecting you is STUPID and LOSERISH!

so PUHLEASE
have some DIGNITY AND SELF RESPECT.
and IGNORE
NEGLECT
LEAVE IT TO ALLAH SUBHANAU TAA'LA


To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

*Fight against your ego with the 4 swords of training:

►Eat little
►Sleep little
►Speak little,
►Be patient when people harm you...


*If everyone is pleased with you but Allaah is not,
what have you gained?

And if Allaah is pleased with you but no one else is,
what have you lost?*

YOU ARE ALL I NEED

Deaaaarest Allah Taa'laaaaaaaa
I need Your loooooooove!!!!!!!
Allah Taa'la....okay let me put it This way:
I NEED TO be able to FEEEL YOUR LOVE!!
I don't want my soul to be deprived of that FEELING of Your LOVE!
Allah Taa'laaaaaaaaaaaa

I NEEEEEEEEEED YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUUUCHHHHHH

I COULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER FUNCTION WITHOUT YOU
SERIOUSLY IM JUST SOOOO FRAGILE AND NEEDY AND DEPENDENT COMPLETELY NON-SELF-SUFFICIENT.

ALLAH TAA'LA...AM I ON THE RIGHT TRACK?
PLEASE JUST GIVE ME A SIGN THAT ITS OKAY WHERE I AM AND I DON'T HAVE TO BACK UP.

ALLAAAAH TAA'LAAAAAAAAAA
THANKYOU FOR EVERYTHING.
PLEASE HELP ME LOWER MY GAZE
PLEASE HELP ME STAY FROM WORDLY ATTACHMENTS
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME NOT TO GET ATTACHED
PLEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSSEEEE

ALLAHU ALLAHU ALLAHU ALLAHU ALLAHU ALLAHU

:")

Bismillah Arahmaan Araheeeeeem
Deaaaaaarest Allah Taa'laaa

I know You know that I realllyyy tried hard not to 'fall' today
annnd quite honestly, it was effective!
but i know that You know that I coulda done a lot better
and there were times when I was slipping and tripping >_<
I'm sorry about those trips :[
I'm reallllyyy trying hard to just keep walking....unhindered
Allah Taa'la
THANKYOU somuch for always being here for me
for ALWAYS being the Light that I neeedd
:) I LOVE YOU SO MUCH Allah Taa'laaaaa :')

ThankYou for helping K
I am sooooooo glad that she is more stable now ALHAMDULILAH !
You are the Most Merciful and the MOST Gracious!

Allah Taa'laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
THANKYOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!!!!!

You are here
listening to me as I speak
Here to hold me
in all the times I am weak

You are here
ready to help me fly
always standing by
to help me touch the sky

and it is right Here with YOU
THAT I feel a Love so true
It is Right here
in this moment
that my soul becomes anew


:") ALLAH TAA'LAA I LOVE YOU !!!

This Ego has to Go

I'm trying to Love You
the way You should be loved
but my ego gets in the way
it keeps leading me astray

when I try to make Da'wah
in hopes of pleasing Your Majesty
my ego whispers to me, stories
of fame, greatness and glory.

when I control my desires
in hopes of pleasing Your Majesty
my ego tells me
I have a right to be happy
I have a right to have fun
until the whispers have their victory
and my desires consume me...

when I try to understand
and study the grand
words of Your Majesty!
my ego gets in the way
tells me I'm smart enough
to find my way
In ignorance, I am asleep


so I pray to You
and beg of You
Your Highness, Your Majesty
to bestow Your Divine favor
upon this soul, so weak
or this ego will most definitely be
the unfortunate death of me.

Stay With me, Forever

Now I'll tell You WHY I LOVE YOU

WELL,
SIMPLY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
I CAN'T EXPLAIN
I JUST LOVE.YOU.
PERIOD
YOU JUST SO LOVELY, YOU KNOW ?

SO SO SO SO LOOOOOOOOVELYYYYYYY
AND YOU SO PERFECT
AND BEAUTIFUUUULLLLLLLL
AND AND AND AND AND
I JUST DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY HOW LOVELY YOU ARE!
YOU ARE JUST INFINITELY LOVELY! :D
PERFECTLY LOVELY AND LOVING!

I Thank You so so so so so so soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much
FOR EVERY SECOND
EVERY MOMENT
EVERY BREATH
EVERY TIME I BLINK MY EYES

ALLAH TAA'LA
I COULD SERIOUSLY WRITE LOVE LETTERS TO YOU ALL DAY teeheeeeeeeeeeeeee

OH MY LOVELIEST ALLAAAAAAAAAH
YOU ARE SERIOUSLY THE ONLY ONE WHOM I CAN LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART, KNOWING THAT I'LL BE LOVED IN RETURN ! SUBHANALLAH!
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO I CAN TRUST MY HEART WITH
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL NEVER EVER EVER HURT ME
EVER!!!!!!!!!!
SUBHANALLAH! SUBHANALLAH!
MEI BUS FANA HO JANA CHAHTI HOON AAP KAY PYAR MEIN
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO I CAN LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY, KNOWING THAT I WILL RECEIVE LOVE IN RETURN WHICH IS FAR GREATER THAN THAT WHICH IS IN MY HEART!
SUBHANALLAH!!!!
ALLAH SUBHANAU TAA'LA
I REALLY ..IM JUST...SPEECHLESS

ALLAH TAA'LA
I WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOU
I WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOUR WORDS
I WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU
I WANT TO READ YOUR WORDS
I WANT MY EVERY ACTION TO BE AN EXPRESSION OF MY LOVE FOR YOU
OH ALLAH OH ALLAH OH ALLAH OH ALLAH!!!!
SUBHANALLAH
YOU ARE PERFECT
YOU ARE PERFECT
YOU ARE PERFECT
SUBHNALLAH!

ALLAH TAA'LA
AAP NAY MUJHE YEH MOMENT DIYA HAI
ALLAH TAA'LA
YOUUUU HAVE GIVEN THIS SECOND TO ME
AND THIS ONE
AND THE NEXT
AND THE ONE AFTER THAT

WHY WOULD I POSSIBLY BE DUMB ENOUGH NOT TO SPEND IT IN YOUR REMEMBRANCE?!
WHY WOULD I WASTE A GIFT THAT YOU, YOURSELF, THE LORDS OF THE WORLDS, HAVE BLESSED ME WITH????
HOW COULD I EVER EVEN THINK OF WASTING THIS GIFT?
THE GIFT OF TIME
AM I INSANE?
OH ALLAH, I WANT TO UNWRAP THE GIFT OF LIFE, WITH LOVE AND CARE
I WANT TO UNWRAP IT PEELING AWAY ONE PIECE OF TAPE AT A TIME
ONCE I HAVE IT UNWRAPPED, I WANT TO FOLD THE WRAPPING PAPER WITH CARE, SET IT ASIDE AND STARE IN WONDER AT THE GIFT UNDERNEATH THE WRAPPING.

I don't even know what I'm saying
seriously I have no idea what it synonymous to the gift underneath the wrapping
I don't even know what metaphor is hidden in the wrapping itself...

I wonder though..I wonder what it could possibly mean...

Allaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
stay with me please <3

Does this really NEED a Title? :P

ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH


OH MY ALLLAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

Mind your MIND

these scattered thoughts
these inconsistent, fleeting thoughts

They keep flashing through my mind

they keep flashing in the blackness of my mind.

the mind..is a lonely place.
the mind, is a confused, mixed up place
the mind is so isolated when it is left alone ...it is so nonexistent when it isn't spoken to

why do I say that?
when no one talks to You, and when you dont talk to anyone,
its almost as if, your thoughts don't exist
your mind is apparently, 'empty'

if nothing goes out..it seems as if there is nothing in there either

but that isn't the case now is it?
the mind isn't empty
how could it ever BE EMPTY???
it is overflowing !
it talkssss and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks till the only thing that can shut it up is death or sleep (temporary death) !

the mind
is alive and yet it is dead
it is alive with thoughts
and yet dead when those thoughts keep repeating them self in a never ending circle.

so what are we to do with this mind?
this mind, that we were born with
this mind which can be both a blessing and a curse at the same time?
what are we to do with this mind?

how are we supposed to have a hold on our thoughts?
how are we meant to use it ?
what are meant to use it for ?

thoughtssssss
the miiiiiind

what is the definition of a healthy mind?
what is the definition of a corrupt mind?
at what point do we 'loose' our mind?
what are the limitations of our mind?

What Is A Beautiful mind?
What is an Extraordinary mind?


For all these questions
all the answers I wish I could find

I will always keep searching,
always keep investigating
always keep using my own mind
to define, describe and interpret the mind

kinda like a computer trying to figure out how its own CPU works
kinda like a computer questioning its own internal workings
I don't think its that hard to understand
because everything I am trying to discover is within myself
it is not beyond me
it is Within me
the understanding of myself
lies Within me

The miiiiiind
what is it meant to find?
what is it meant to know ?
what is it meant to learn ?
in this life...what is my mind supposed to know in order to have spent a successful life?

the mind the mind the miiiiind
a description to its needs I am trying to fiiiiiiind
I am trying to see so I don't die bliiiinnnddd

Keep Holding On

How lovely is life
How sad it is
How interesting it is
How constantly changing it is

Life?
what is it?
it is a process of change
the only thing that is constant in this process is change itself

what else is constant?
Beliefs
values
morals
Love
Allah

In life, only the Intangible things are constant.
So how do we make sure they stay constant if we can't obtain them physically ?
how do we hold on to these intangibles that make life beautiful?
if we can't hold them in a treasure box, where do we keep them ?

we keep them in our heart, soul...
we keep love, our beliefs, Allah in our heart, in our soul
we BECOME these intangible assets
so once you BECOME something
could you ever loose it ? could you ever loose yourself?
the choice,
is Yours .
Hold on to Your Intangible Assests
Hold on to Your self
Hold on to Life

REMIND ME TO SAY THANKYOU & I LOVE YOU

BISMILLAH ARRAHMAN ARRAHEEEEM!!!!
DEAREST MOST LOOOVING ALLAH SUBHANAU TAA'LA!!!!!!!!!!!
THANKYOU
THANKYOU
THANKYOU
THANKYOU THANKYOU
THANKYOU THANKYOU
THANKYOU THANKYOU
THANKYOU THANKYOU
THANKYOU THANKYOU
THANKYOU THANKYOU
THANKYOU

I Literally just don't know what else to say about the amazing day I've had today !!!
ALHAMDULILLAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Where do I even start from?
Where do I even BEGIN to express my gratitude to YOU??????????????????????!!!!!!!!
You make me a better person everyday Allah Taa'la ! :')
You help me to improve my character every second!
every moment is an opportunity from You to LEARN, UNDERSTAND AND LIVE LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT ME TO !
ALHAMDULLILLAH TIMES INFINITY!
I'm just SO SPEECHLESS about the amazing people I have met today!
so utterly SPEECHLESS about what I have learned from them!
so SPEECHLESS about how connected I've felt with these people!
SO COMPLETELY SPEECHLESS about the unbreakable bond I have felt I have with these people!!!!!
SUBHANALLAH! SUBHANALLAH! SUBHANALLAH!
ALLLLAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHU AKBAR!!!!!!!!!

I just want to tell You that I Love YOU SO MUCH for LOVING ME!!!!!!!!
FOR CARING ABOUT ME SOOOO MUCH!!!!
FOR BLESSING ME WITH THESE GOLDEN OPPORTUNITIES!
I THANKYOU! FOR EVERY SECOND OF ALL THE DAYS IN MY LIFE!
I THANKYOU MY ALLAH!!!!!
I AM YOUR SLAVE!
OH ALLAH!!!!!!!!!
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL !
YOU ARE PERFECT!
YOU KNOW ME BEST !
YOU ALWAYS CARE FOR ME!
MORE THAN I WILL EVER DESERVE!
SUBHANALLAH! YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO MAKE ME HAPPY
YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHEN AND HOW TO HELP ME
SHOW ME YOU'RE HERE, SHOW ME YOU CARE
ALHAMDULILAH ALHAMDULILLAH
THANKYOU ALLAH TAA'LA

FOR OPENING MY EYES
FOR OPENING MY HEART
FOR OPENING MY MIND
UNLOCKING MY SOUL TO MY SURROUNDINGS


NOW ALLAH TAA'LA
I STILL ASK OF YOU TO HELP ME GUARD MY HEART AND MY MIND
I REALLY NEED YOU TO HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS.
I CAN NEVER DO THIS ON MY OWN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I REALLY RREALLLLY NEED YOUR HELP TO REPEL EVIL
TO ABSTAIN FROM EVERYTHING YOU ARE DISPLEASED WITH!
ALLAAAAHHHHHHH
I PRAY FOR SOLID FIRMNESS IN FAITH!
I PRAY THAT YOU BLESS EVERYONE I HAD THE HONOR OF MEETING TODAY!
BLESS MISS FRASER AND MISS HEATHER AND SAMEERA AND SHAKIRA AND JUST EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU

PLEASE JUST HOLD MY HAND
PLEASE DON'T LET ME FORGET THAT YOU ARE HERE
ALWAYS !
PLEASE....DON'T LET ME FORGET!

S.M.S. - Save My Soul

Bismillah Arrahman Arraheem

I feel extremely weak today Allah Taa'la :(
I feel down...which is so ironic because I felt like I was on the 7th heaven just yesterday!
Oh Allah ! I miss YOU! :(
Allaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
Alllaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Help meeeeeeeeee
to break freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
of the objects of my slaveryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!

Alllaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
I feel like the positive energy just gets sucked out of me
every time I ....
every time I
indulge in slavery...
of my desires

HOW HOW HOOOOOWWWWWWW
CAN I BREAK FREEE??????????
ALLLLAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
TELL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
SHOW MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
GUIDE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Alllaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I LOVE YOU :"(
I NEEEDD YOU AALLAAH!!
I NEED YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ThankYou for Teaching me!

Alhamdulillah!
SUBHANALLAH!
ALLAHU AKBAR!


DEAAARESSSTT ALLAH SUBHANAU TAA'LA
I THANKYOU
for guiding me
Allllaaahhhhhh
This is what Really spoke to me today :

Every one of us was created with particular needs,
like the need to feel loved,
the need to be alone for a while,
the need to know that someone special awaits you at homeafter a long hard day at work,
the need to spend time with your children and kiss themto sleep,
the need to hear good words, etc..

When these needs go unsatisfied, an imbalance occurs within us that can affect the quality of our entire day.
We mightbecome irritable and cranky and not know why. A need within us has not been met that day.


We have been created with a need far greater and more critical for our complete wellbeing than any other…
It is the need to WORSHIP!!

This need to Worship, which is critical to our well being on this earth, can only be fulfilled with Prayer and Obedience to Allah Subhanau Taa'la!
This worldly life is full of hardships and aches.
We laugh one day, only to cry the next.
Its demands and toils leave us thirsty and tired.
What can quench this thirst better than prayer?

Let us then, find our comfort and relief in our rukuu and sujood..17 times each day, we bow... Our love for Allah has to grow with that. And when you love Him, He will love you even more for He is the Most Kind, the Most Generous. And who can ever harm you… when the Creator Himself, loves you?...!!!!!!!!!!

SUBHANALLAH!

You Make me Laugh !

Deeeeeeeeearesstt Sweeeeeeeeetest Trickiest FUNNIEST Allah Taa'laaaaaaaaa :P :D :D:D:D


YOU definitely have a sense of humor, Allah Taa'la hehe !
tricky tricky You arrre Allaah Taa'laaaaa
I mean on one hand...I'm trying to AVOID something because I believe it will lead me to disobeying You
and on the OTHER hand!
You just keep on making me CONFRONT IT wherever I go

I mean, VY YOU MESS WITH MY HEAD ?! :P

but i kinda see how this is.
Youuuuuuuu
are just testing me
You are testing me so that You can teach me something
and I definitely intend to get a lesson from everything that happens in my life
from everything that You make happen in my life!

You are testing me, so that once I get through with the test, I can be sure not to REPEAT my previous mistake
Hence, in essence, You are simply testing me to Improve me :)
thats why I Love YOU
because You are ARRAHAMAN ARRAHEEEM!!!!!!
YOU ALWAYS HAVE MY BEST INTEREST IN MIND WHEN YOU PUT ME IN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS
YOU ARE ALWAAAAAAAAYS BENEFITTING ME SOMEHOW
YOU ARE ON MY SIDE !!!! SUBHANALLAH!
You actually WANT TO HELP ME!
AND YOUR DOORS ARE ALWAYS OPEN FOR THOSE WHO NEED HELP AND GUIDANCE AND HEALING AND FORGIVENESS AND PURIFICATION!!!
SUBHANALLAH !
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND LOVING AND KIND AND MERCIFUL!
SUBHANALLAH
SUBHANALLAH
SUBHANALLAH
SUBHANALLAH
SUBHANALLAH
SUBHANALLAH!!!

ALLAH SUBHANAU TAA'LA
I Love how You're so accesible :)
I can talk to You Whenever I want!

okay soooo
I realllyy need You to help me not to freak out when it comes to accounts.
I need You to help me keep my focus cause it gets intimidating at times...when I loose track of the basic concept and just get lost in the details..
phew, that road of confusion is just Not a pretty place to be in .
I am just DESPERATE for UNDERSTANDING
clear, Understanding of what I study

I just really cannot keep my head together all by myself.
I neeeed Youuuuu to help me organize my thoughts.
and study in a way that I take in what I Need to and not waste excess time on additional stuff that isn't all that important.

THATS what I DESPERATELY neeeed
I need to stop studying irrelevant stuff. Need to stop spending too much time concentrating so hard on material that isn't relevant to whats on the test!

this dua goes both for dunyawi studying as well as my study of Islam, the Quran, Hadeeth; all that too!
It is SOOOO important to understand WHAT IS IMPORTANT!
haha :P

Any hooooooo
Allah Taa'laaaaaaaaaaa :)
I think I should make it to accounts class early next time so I can sit allllll the way in the back on the Other end > hence saving myself from the constant disturbance of murmuring/whispering/chatting in the background! ahem!
annnnd Allah Taa'la
I'm just scared :(
scared of losing my focus on You
on whats 'important'
scared of getting caught up in the dunya :(
so SAVE ME Pleaaasesss!

I could talk to You all day my Lovely ALLAH TAA'LA :) !

oh and, I have a test tomorrow, so I pray that I can attempt it with a clear mind.
Allaahh Taaa'laaaaaaa
could You just tell me where to sit in class so I don't have to figure it out on my own ?
I'm so confused 0_0
I think its best if I sit Behind, cause that way my mind wont constantly be obsessing over blah de blah

Allaaahh Taa'laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I LOVE YOU :D:D:D:D:D
You love me even more than my MOMMY LOVES ME!
SUHANALLAH!!!!!
YA HAYYU YAQAYYUM!
PLEASE JUST HELP ME TO BE OBEDIENT TO YOU ALWAYS!

Save me From Myself

Deaaaaarest Loveliest Allah Subhanau Taa'la
I haven't started off the day too good :[
talked back to mom
Forgive meeeeeeee
help me to bite my tongue in the future!!

and I feel like the dunya is taking over me again
I didn't even bother to recite some verses properly today
I was just toooo concerned with getting 'work' done
I dont know WHEN i am going to learn that I can NEVER have any barakah in my work if I don't have a strong relationship with YOU first!

It really bothers me how narrow minded and selfish I am
I am ashamed that this is what I am getting from studying.

Oh Allah! I need You so much :( to improve myself!
I don't know why I can't get the thought out of my head that I AM NOT THE ONE WHO HAS COMPLETE CONTROL OVER MY LIFE
I don't know why I am still not FULLY TRUSTING YOU

Take Me Out of Here! Please.

Deaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaressssssssssssstttttttttt Allllaaaaaaaahhhhhh Subhanau Taa'laaaaaaaaa


When I'm falling down
Will You pick me up again?
When I'm too far gone
Dead in the eyes of my Friend

WILL YOU TAKE ME OUT OF HERE
WILL YOU TAKE ME OUT OF HERE
TAKE ME OUT OF HEEEEERRRRRREEEEE


I also want to Thank You
for Your Everlasting Love <3
enable me to Love You toooo! to Love You more than my own life!
ALLAHH
ALHAMDULILLAH!

You Know Exactly What I Need!

Dearest LOVELIEST Allah Subhanau Taa'la

ThankYou sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for letting these words cross my eyes todayyyy

“When Allah knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances. Wait patiently.
Don’t waste your time searching and wishing. Grow and be ready, you’ll see Allah will give you a love story far better than you could ever dream of.”


I REALLY NEEDED to read this!!!!!!!!!

You always know exactly what I need!
SUBHANALLAH !
ALHAMDULILLAH !
THANKYOU ALLAH TAA'LA! :):):):):):):) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUMILITY NEEDED!!! PRONTO

Dearest Allah Taa'la

I don't feel like a good person
I feel selfish
like a self righteous jerk

I feel like I'm annoying to my classmates
I feel like they think I'm a snob :(


How am I supposed to fix that ?
How do I be better?
to people?
be more friendly?
be sociable

I don't want to be a loner...or someone who thinks shes too 'above' everyone to talk to them

Allah Taa'la
I DON'T WANT TO BE PROUD OF ANYTHING THAT I SAY OR DO
I DON'T WANT TO BE PROUD OR ARROGANT OR RUDE

:(
Alllaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
those other whispers aren't going away either ....
the ones that are like 'ooooooooooo take advantage of the fact that so and so likes you'

:(

I FEEL SO BAD


waaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
I NEED TO CHANGE
I NEED TO BE MORE HUMBLE
:(

Make Me Better

Dearest Allah Taa'la

I'm still alive
so that means
My time isn't up yet
You still want me to live

So if I have time
Why shouldn't I use it?
Why waste it when its limited anyways?

Makes sense to me

Allah Taa'la
I know I haven't exactly lived up to the title of
an Ummati of the Beloved Prophet Muhammad SalallahuAlayhaywasalam

I know I'm falling short in deeds as every second goes by
But I want to do better
I want to BE better
I want to be who You want me to be.


Allah Taa'la
Im so sick and tired of putting Islam second in my life
Im so tired of being around people who don't realize the urgency of our lives on this earth
I'm tired of not feeling motivated to
Love You
Be Obedient to You
Study the Quran
Understand what You want from me

It sickens me now whem I'm lazy
procrastination feels like a disease
Wasting time feels like a death sentence

Allah Taa'la
All I know is that I need to be better than this
I HAVE to be BETTER than this!
I AM MUCH better than THIS!

So Allah,
Please
Make me better Today than I was Yesterday
and make me better tomorrow than I will be today.

Beauty is Felt, not Seen

Beauty is what I feel

Everything Feels RIGHT

It feels so good
to write
to think
to Love
to forgive
to comfort, console, help.

It feels beautiful
to smile
to laugh
to run
to lay on the grass
to sit on the grass, with my back against a tree trunk

It feels beautiful
to do what I love
to say what I feel
to write what I feel

It feels beautiful
to tell You how I feel

to know You are always here
to hear me

to know you are always HERE
to HEAL me

SUBHANALLAH
It feels so beautiful
to know YOU are my Friend
to know You are with my till the end
Someone on Whom I can always depend

Allah!
Beauty is what You are
and I feel Beautiful.

Help me to FLY

Dearest Allah Taa'la
SUBHANALLAH
what a BEAUTIFUL DAY
What more could I ask for than this?

I'm surrounded by the sounds of Your incredible creations.
above me, blossoms are hanging in curtains SUBHANALLAH

The soft cool breeze caresses my cheeks.
ALHAMDULILAH

but Allah Taa'la
despite all the beauty surrounding me
There is unrest in my heart.
I am not at peace inside.
I am saying this because, I just can't seem to accept my Dad.
I've tried so hard to just ignore the wrong I see in him.
I've tried SO hard not to judge him
I've tried extremely hard to just forgive him and let go of the hurt I've felt and stop feeling this venomous anger inside of me

But no matter how hard I try, the negative emotions just keep resurfacing
No matter How deep I bury them, they're always back from the dead, ready to torture me...
ready to seize my peace

Allah Taa'la
I need You to help me get out of these negative emotions,
I just want to bury that hatchet with dad once and for all.
I want to forgive him in my heart.

I need to be free.

So unchain me Allah Taa'la
Remove these shackles around my heart.

Help me to fly.

Save him.

Dearest Allah Taa'la

It was so humbling talking to Babajan last night
Tears flowing down his eyes, trembling with grief and so much hurt...it almost killed me inside to see him like that.

Ya Allah, he needs your Rehm.
Ya Allah he needs to be shown, to be told how to get back to You the right way.
He needs to know that he HAS to stop trying to seeking you through random means :[

Oh Allah
Please, never EVER let me judge him.
Please never Ever let me think for even the blink of an eye that I am in anyway, better than him!
ASTAGHFIRULLAH!
Please heal him , please bring him out of the darkness he has put himself into all these years.
Remove the veil from his eyes that has been blinding him for so long
I want for him to understand the TRUTH so BAD
But I don't know how to get to him
How to make him understand?

You're the only one who can save him at this point.

In fact, you're the ONLY ONE who can save him ever!
Nothing is in my hands

Allah Taa'la
I just pray to YOU to show him the way PLEASE.
to get him back on the right way.
PLEASE
somehow.


Save him Allah Taa'la...before its too late.

YOU ARE A GENIOUS

Dearest Allah Taa'la, whom I can talk to immediately whenever my heart feels like it!

I feel like there's a burden on my heart
I don't know what to do about it
I'm sure You know exactly what to do to comfort me, and provide a solution to my problem

For You are undoubtedly equipped with Everlasting Power and Knowledge

So Allah Taa'la
I just really really what You to point out a direction of thinking for me
because this 'burden' always fogs my sanity. It literally just takes over my intellect.
I become a slave to my burden instantly
and at times, Astaghfirullah, it causes me to become forgetful and ignorant of You! Astaghfirullah! Im so sorry about being weak-minded
so I just sincerely repent to You for the times that I have let this burden take over me and I pray that You can protect from letting this burden become unbearably heavy to bear!

Allah Taa'la
give me the confidence to face this burden
give the strength to uphold it
to grab it by the neck and just shove it out of my way like it weighs no more than a feather!

Allah Taa'la
I'm just scared
and I don't want any fear or grief when I know that I have You by my side ALL THE TIME!
Allah Taa'la
I can't tell you how choked up I feel when this burden shows up in front of me.
I feel emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually CHOKED UP AND PARALYZED

I just immediately loose control of myself
and thats what I despise !!!!!
I can't afford to loose control!

that loss of control is what scares me so much
because I fear it will weaken by relationship with You



Allah Taa'la !!!!!!!!!
I just noticed something!
YOU ARE A GENIOUS :D :D:D:D:D

You are training me to be attached to You no matter How distracting my surroundings and no matter how heavy my burdens may be! :D WOW !!!
YOU ARE A GENIOUS :D
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR GENIOUS WISDOM
WOW :D
YOU JUST BLOW MY MIND MY ALLAH ! HEHEHE
SERIOUSLY, THERE AIN'T NOBODY BETTER THAN YOU, OH ALMIGHTY AND WISE :D

okie so byebyeee :D I LOVE YOU
AND THANKYOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Like a Flowing River

Dearest, Sweetest Loveliest Allah Subhana u Taa'la

I Love You

I THANK YOU

with all my heart

I thank You for giving me friendship as pure as Azka's
I Thank You for giving me peace
I Thank You for helping me to let go of things I have no use for
I Thank You for opening my internal eyes
I Thank You for allowing me to remember You!

Oh Allah!
Please Please!
Never let me Forget who I am
Never let me forget where I am from
Never let me forget my home
Never let me forget where I am going

Allah Taa'la !
Please don't let met settle in to a 'comfortable' lifestyle!
I want to be constantly challenged to do my very best
I do not want to risk putting my soul to sleep
I do not want why mind to take control of everything
Allah Taa'la!
I want to utilize the time you have blessed me with!
I don't want to be a waster
I do not want to run after the goods of this world!
Allah Taa'la!
save me from the slavery of this Dunya!
and bless me with the slavery of the Akhira!

Allah Taa'la
I don't want to take my Deen lightly
I don't want to slack
I don't want to procrastinate doing good deeds!
I don't want to be lazy when it comes to serving the Deen!
I want to put in my heart and soul to serving You!
I want to be driven by a spiritual enthusiasm to DO More!

Allah Taa'la

I know I'm asking for a lot but I promise I will never forget to thank You for everything You have Already blessed me with!

ThankYou ThankYou ThankYOU!

ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH !!!!!!!

ThankYou for Your Love!

Dearest Allah Taa'la :) :) :) :) :) :)

I never have much to say whenever I address you initially hehe
and I just stare at the screen blankly :P :)

I guess I'll just start by Thanking You because I can never EVER Thank You enough for Allllllllll the Blessings you have bestowed upon my in my life !!!!
and whats even More beautiful is that You are continually blessing me each second that I breathe !

I exist because of You!
I am alive because of You!
so what right do I have not to spend me life in accordance to what You have asked me to do ?!

Oh my dearest Allah Subhana u Taa'la! If only I could truly let that thought sink in to my soul!
If only I could TRULY LIVE what I just said !
I pray that you help me to ignore the countless distractions in this life and to focus solely on You!

I pray that EVERY thought in my mind is related to Your Remembrance and Glorification!
Oh Allah! I pray that I always keep in mind the fact that I will stand in front of You one day!
Oh Allah! I pray to you that I can adorn my soul for You!
I pray that I do EVERYTHING in my life to impress You and You alone!
I pray that You are my heart's Beloved!
I pray that my heart is a slave to none but You!
I pray that I can spend the rest of my life getting ready to meet you INSHALLAH when the world comes to an end!
I pray that I can be among those Extremely lucky souls who will be given the Honour of seeing You in the Hereafter!!!
Oh Allah ! How I long to see How Beautiful You are!!!
Oh Allah! It amazes me just to see Your creation !
I can't even IMAGINE how beautiful You are !!!

Oh my Dearest Dearest, Loveliest Allah!!!
I pray that my heart loves You and You alone!
I pray that my heart Loves You, the Prophet Muhammad (Peace and Blessings be Upon him! ), the Companions ( May You be pleased with them! ) and all those who love you intensely!!


Oh my Pyaray Allah Taa'la!

I pray that I continue to pray to You till my last breath
I pray that I continue to keep in touch with You in my life so I do not go astray!

Oh Allaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
I just want to practice what Your Beloved (Peace Be Upon him!) was sent here to teach us !
I sincerely want to understand what You want me to do in this life
I sincerely want to understand and adopt Your commandments Allah Taa'la!
So I ask for Your help to make it easy for me, to guide me , to increase me in Knowledge of Islam!

Allah Taa'la
I need You
I need You
I need You


Please never ever let me be ignorant of You for even a second!!!!!!!!!
ThankYou Allah Taa'la
ThankYou for EVERYTHING
but most importantly,
ThankYou for Your Love!

Dearest Allah

Dearest Allah Subhana u Taa'la

The day hasn't even started and I'm giving in to Satan's whispers already!
Whaat am I going to do with myself?!
"I seek refuge from Allah from the outcast Satan." !

Allah Taa'la
I want to be more connected with the muslim community.
please help me to do more than just intend to connect with muslims
please give me the courage to go up to muslims and say salam
please give me the open mindedness not to judge anyone about their faith
pleaaase Allah Taaa'laaa pleaaase help me to erase my pride
I NEVER want to think that I am superior to anyone in faith, because that in itself is an indication that I my faith is inferior and that I MYSELF AM flawed!!!

Oh DEAREST DEAREST LOVELIEST ALLAH TAA'LA
I want my thoughts to be pure
please help me to control my thoughts
please help me to monitor what goes on in my head
please help me to censor my thoughts
please please help me to be faithful to YOU even in my THOUGHTS!

Oh DEAREST DEAREST LOVELIEST ALLAH TAA'LA
I beg for Your Mercy and Forgiveness!!!!!!!!!
I am a Faqir, in complete need of Your Love!

Allah Taa'la!
how could I possibly live without You?
Allah Taa'la
please please help me to wake up for Fajr on time! :O
I haven't even heard the alarm clock go off for two days straight!

Oh DEAREST DEAREST LOVELIEST ALLAH TAA'LA
I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! HELP me to be obedient to You!
please Help me to Love the Blessed Prophet Muhammad Salalahu alayhaywasalam!
Please help me to follow the Sunnah!!!
Allah Taa'la
:) I Love how I can talk to You anywhere, anytime!
Like right here in this blog
or when I'm driving..eating...walking..
I can communicate with you practically ANYWHERE! \
SUBHANALLAH !
You are indeed the MOST MAGNIFICENT! YOU are All-Knowing! All-SEEING! ALL-HEARING!!!!
SUBHANALLAH ! SUBHANALLAH ! SUBHANALLAH ! SUBHANALLAH ! SUBHANALLAH ! SUBHANALLAH !


THANKYOU FOR EVERYTHING ALLAH TAA'LA!

ALHAMDULILLAH!! ALHAMDULILLAH!! ALHAMDULILLAH!! ALHAMDULILLAH!! ALHAMDULILLAH!! ALHAMDULILLAH!!

How Do You Feel?

I feel blessed to have access to Youtube videos of Islamic Leaders like Brother Nouman Ali Khan!
I feel so motivated to DO something for the UMMAH whenever I listen to his talks!
I feel relaxed, less tense, intellectually 'fresh', spiritually peaceful.
I feel like I can accomplish anything (though not on my own, of course)

I Want to Write for YOU

Write Write Write Write Write
All these thoughts in my head
organize them
make them exist

thats what I Love doing

I love giving birth to my thoughts into this world :D :D :D

I Love speaking what my soul contains !

Why wouldn't I love it ?

What other joy is there in the entire world other than being heard, understood, connected to others.....?

Connected to people around you
Connected to their souls
Connected to that common light all of us share
And then ultimately, Connecting with the One who has given us our individual light!

That, in reality is the true beauty of LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALLAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH TAAAAAAAAAAAA'LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to do EVERYTHING in my power
to Please YOU!
to invoke YOUR LOVE!
to win You over!!!!!

because YOU are the Love of my Life!
Your Love is what GIVES ME LIGHT!
Your Love is the cause for my soul's flight!
Your Love has cast away the blindness in my sight!!!!

Allllaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Taaaaaaaaaa'laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I want to WRITE for YOU
I want to WORK for YOU
I want to STUDY for YOU

I want to WRITE all the days of my life,
Just for YOU

I LOVE YOU

Allaaaaaaaaaaah Taaa'laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

^__________________________^

:D
I LOVE YOU CAUSE YOU ALWAYS RESPOND TO ME
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT EVEN WHEN I MENTION YOUR NAME
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE ITS SO EASY AND HEALING TO LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE IT DOESN'T HURT TO HURT LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE EVEN THE 'PAIN' IS HEALING
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I HAVE NO REASON IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE NOT TO !
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW ME
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE A CONNECTION
AN EVERLASTING CONNECTION!

SUBHANALLAH SUBHANALLAH SUBHANALLAH SUBHANALLAH

MY HEART JUST WANTS TO LOVE! AND WHO BETTER TO LOVE THAN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH ALLAH TAA'LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANT TO BURST OUT OF THIS CAGE OF FLESH AND RISE TO THE CLOUDS TO COME MEET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trust the One Who made you!

Most Loveliest Allah Taa'laaa :)

I don't want to be in control of my Life
I don't want to hold the steering wheel
I don't want to think that I know ANYTHING

I don't want to feel like I have to take care of Everything that goes on in my life
I don't want to feel like I am burdened
I don't want to trust myself with Myself Alone

I don't feel that I am trustworthy
I don't feel I know what is good for me

I Do feel,However that I want You to control my Life
I Do Feel that You're the Only One who can steer me into the right direction.
After all, You're the One who knows everything about me,
so who better than You to guide me?

I want to feel like you are here for me
I want to feel like I am cared for
I want to feel like I'm not alone here on this earth
I want to feel like my intellect..my thoughts..my mind isn't all that I have.

I want to feel like there is more to life than what it is portrayed as
I really want to understand what it is
I really want You to tell me What Life IS
Who I am
Where I am from
Where I am going
and Where is my return!


Oh Allah, how could I possibly know how to live
if it wasn't for Your guidance?
I am like a child
till this day, even in the body of an adult
I am a child
I Don't know a thing
So I question to Know
I accept what is told to me
wholeheartedly, without judgement, without doubt
yet not everything I am told is true
That leaves me utterly confused
Not knowing what to do
Who do I look up to
Where do I turn
I thought these people
knew the truth

Where is the TRUTH, I say
Why does it seem so far away?
I Thought Islam was the answer
a Clear, simple Way

What is all this fuss?
This commotion, this chaos
Why is it so complicated
to understand
the Simplicity at hand?
As simple as it sounds,
Simplicity is a rarity
Countless enter this world
a handful live with clarity

We come into this world
wanting to know the truth
But I have a feeling
what matters more to us is proof.
Truth is just a word
or a person or a book
Truth must be believed without physical proof
because there is none that Truly exists which is clearly visible to us
Thats what we don't get
That ONE thing
that ONE piece of Evidence
tht ONE Being who is Hidden from us
causes us to doubt the truth
to argue with the truth
to debate about the truth
to try to prove the truth through means that are convincing to us

So the Truth is all around us
but are we willing to believe it ?
Are willing to believe it on the basis of Truth or on the basis of Proof?

So what makes it easier to believe?
What makes it easier to accept the truth with the limited proof at hand?
an open mind
a wise mind that is able to feel that there is More to life than what is apparent
A person who realizes that
Life itself is something we cannot bring forth or end by ourselves
Life itself is something that isn't in our grasp
We can't control how long we live, when we die, how we die, where we are born....

So if life itself it not in our hands
if life itself comes and goes from an unknown source
phir how how how can I say that the truth of how to Live this Mysterious Life is Known to me?


I have a feeling this might sound like I'm talking in confusing riddles
So here's what I want to say :
Love Allah, Trust Him cause He made You and He's the only One who can TRULY help you live your life in the best possible way!!!!

I seek Perfection and I seek You.

Dearest, Most BELOVED Allah Taa'la

So many thoughts cross my mind
So many whispers I hear
But none of what I think does me any good if it is not addressed to You

Everything I think in Ignorance of you leads me astray
Leads me into a black hole
Where I spin faster and faster
deeper and deeper into the depths of darkness
and
nothingness

Oh Allah!
but still, that darkness has its benefits.
at the moments when I feel I am in the deepest black hole
that is when Your Light TRULY ILLUMINATES me

that is when even the faintest hint of Your Light shines through
brighter than the stars and the moon and the sun!

Allah Taa'la

Seeking You means everything to me.
Seeking Your Love
Your Kindness
Your Mercy
Your Friendship
Your Happiness

I Love Seeking You!
Do You also Love being sought?
Do You also Love being my Friend?
Do You also Love helping me ?

Allah Taa'la

How could I EVER seek ANYONE but YOU?
WHY on earth and in the entire universe would I desire to seek anyone but YOU?
YOU are the perfect Being to be sought because You Are PERFECT. :)

I seek Perfection and I seek You.

Gratitude Check List

Dearest Allah Taa'la

Today, I thank You for
how my day started
so innocent and pure, happy, peaceful, excited, open to everything the world had to offer me.
However, I seek forgiveness for getting kinda annoyed when I couldn't park the car right.
I also thank You for the breakfast I had
I thank you for mommy's loveliness :) she was so loving to me in the morning :) I love laughing with her and playing with her :) I love being like a kid with her.
Oh Allah, I could never thank You enough for my mother. <3
Oh Allah Taa'la

I thankyou You for that BEAUTIFUL show on the radio I listened to in the morning
it made me Love You so much
it explained so well Who You are :)
I remember the RJ saying that you are watching over our external + internal affairs. and you are Ever Present. You are helping us at every single second in our lives.
and it is crucial that we ask Help form You at every second too ! Because you Want to help us!!! You WANT to LOVE US! :D <3
you Want US to Love You TOO! :D
hehe You're sooo Loveable! :D
and..I remember the RJ saying that you are our Refuge..our physical refuge..meaning not only do You provide physical, Tangible security and sustenance BUT you also provide intangible support to us. You are our emotional refuge.
You erase our fears and are always ready to listen to our problems.
You are always here to comfort us when we are disturbed.
You are always the FIRST one to soothe us and erase our sadness!
ALHAMDULILAH!!

I WHOLEHEARTEDLY Thank You for that radio show today, Allah Taa'la. :) Because it REALLY touched my heart to the CORE! ^_^

Bless the RJ! ^_^

furthermore, I am thankful for getting full marks on my math quiz ^_^ I am thankful for Feeling much more relaxed. THANKYOUU for making me less paranoid among people!
I was having such a problem with Connecting/communicating with people before spring break.
but today, after going back to college, seeing those familiar faces was a comfort to me instead of something to fear.
I felt more free to move around
I felt more free internally for some reason
I felt like everyone is my friend
I wonder why I didn't feel that way before?
It is SUCH a blessing to feel at ease now :)
I must say the lovely weather seemed to have played a role in it :D
everybody seemed more jolly as well ^_^

so yeah, I am grateful for that sense of communion that I felt :) and I pray that it only continues to grow as I spend more time at Blooomsburg and BLOOOOOM into the Flower that is me LOL :D

I ammmmmm also thankful forrr the math lesson! I love math! I am grateful for being able to understand what was going on in class ! I am thankful to you for the teacher for explaining why the trigonometric derivative formulas are True.
It really cleared my concept about the formulas
made it easier to memorize them!
I am thankful foorrr the SPLENDID WEATHER!
I am thankful for being able to pray on campus :)
I am thankful for being able to talk to you in my Dua
I am thankful for that beautifullll song by Britt Nicole. It made me Love You sooo much Allah Taa'la!!! <3 <3 <3
Allah Taaa'laaaaaaa I am thankful for being able to do the math sums effortlessly on my math lab :) I am thankful for being able to solve the questions with understanding
I am thankful that my stress levels have gone down so SIGNIFICANTLY because of YOU!
I LOVE YOU ALLAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!
annnnd :) I am thankful for Prof Robson :) I am sooo lucky to have such a funnnyy cuuute booray say teacher ^_^ and he's soo nice to me ^_^
annnd Allah Taa'la I am grateful for this second
Grateful for my parents
Grateful for the improvement in my relationship with Babajan :)
annnd Thankyou times infinity ^_^

ALLAH!

Everything feels so right when you surrender to the Al-mighty.

Everything straightens out, it all comes to place.

My Academic life is by far the best it has ever been is so many years.
My Family life is truly blissful and beautiful!
My Inner self feels like an innocent child once again.
Its like I am Empty yet I am complete.
I am empty of all the burdens a heart can possibly hold and yet,
I am full of content, filled with Love for my connection with the Divine Being in the Heavens!
I feel full of purpose.
I feel full of determination and the will to improve.

I am empty, yet I am Full...almost to the point of overflowing!

This is the BEAUTY of Loving Allah Subhanau Taa'la
Oh my Allah! if only I had loved you intensely everyday of my life, since the day I was born...
I would have flooded the whole world with the waters of my soul!

I'm not Moving

I can't move on. I can't block my feelings. They're here to stay, and I think its about time I learn to accept that.
Not having you isn't a problem now. It's just a part of my life. I'm used to you ignoring me. Used to us not talking to each other for months at a stretch.
Its alright though. 'cause no matter what happens...time will stand still for me.