Salam
I wonder why I'm at this point in my life where I'm supposed to give all that I have and yet I'm not even putting in 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 % of the abilities that I have.
I wonder if this is fate. Then I wonder if this is a choice I made that can easily be reversed. Finally, I wonder if fate is what led me to make this choice.
Yet, I continue to wonder if anything that I have wondered about has ever made any sense at all.
The only thing that I know to be true is that I can't put my efforts into something that my heart's not in. I can't study simply on the basis that I need to score A's. A's don't mean anything to me emotionally. Therefore I can't struggle to achieve them.
The only sad part amongst everything that I've written down here is the fact that the people surrounding me in my life have expectations from me which are completely opposite to what I intend to do.
This cyclone that I have caught myself in will most certainly drag me to the bottom of the ocean where there lies disappointment, heart-break, disrespect & shame to name a few.
I hope a day shall come when I will swim to the surface with pride. I hope a day shall come when I will swim to the surface at all!
In the Name of Allah, the most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Say: I seek refuge with Lord of Mankind
the King of mankind
the God of mankind
from the evil of the whisperer, elusive tempter,
that whisper into the hearts of mankind
Among Jinn and among men.
